MLB

Manny Machado isn’t on the Yankees yet: A distraction is required

01/02/2019
James Kelly

After Manny Machado finished visiting his potential landing spots for the 2019 season, told the world that he would announce his decision in the new year. Well, we are more than 24 hours into 2019 and Machado still has yet to make that announcement. I grow weary of anticipation.

Kelly's Comments

I’ve tried everything. I slept until 2 p.m. on this very day. I spent hours watching Game of Thrones. I even downloaded 13 arcade-style games onto my phone, games which I have no intention of actually playing but will no doubt allow them to occupy a good deal of my phone’s memory for at least two years.

I can’t distract myself from waiting on pins and needles to find out that Manny Machado has signed a deal with the New York Yankees.

I now humbly request the people of the internet provide me with alternative means of distraction.

If I continue down my current path of refreshing my Manny Machado search on Twitter, I’m gonna get lost in the land of idiotic takes. My brain will melt with every burner account claiming to have a source who overheard someone in the bathroom saying Machado’s favorite pizza place is only seven subway stops from Yankee Stadium.

New York Yankees

I’m gonna lose it even more if I keep seeing games like this being played on the internet …

First of all, screw you, Jon Heyman. You know Yankees fans are in a very delicate place right now and you have a duty as a blue checkmark to not get us riled up for two hours just to drop the entire fan base down 10 notches.

Second of all, tracking Machado’s social media activity is a deep hole that I may never climb out of. I’ve seen plenty of accounts with Machado in their name take that dive and not return.

Yankees twitter has lost a lot of loyal conversationalists to the refreshing of every possible platform for a Manny Machado update. Please save me from turning down that dark path. I fear I’m only two maybe three cryptic tweets away from forgetting about the existence of my day job.

P.S., Manny if you’re reading this just sign already man. We can’t take the waiting anymore. Put pen to paper and let’s set the god damn league on fire on our way to 28.

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